Many professionals fall into the habit of using apologetic language – not because they lack confidence, but because they worry about appearing too direct, overly assertive, or unintentionally disrespectful.

I’ve caught myself doing it too, especially since recently joining Content House, where I work across top media platforms like WhosWho.mt, MaltaCEOs.mt and BusinessNow.mt.

Just a quick reminder: I'm the person who made an unforgettable impression on my second day at Content House – not for contributing donuts, not for dazzling anyone with my fashion sense, but because I fell for an elaborate scam that led to the entire office being locked out of their email accounts as a security precaution.

Since then, despite the team's support, I’ve felt the need to tread carefully, often softening my communication with unnecessary apologies.

The big ‘sorry’

• “Sorry to bother you…”
• “Apologies if this is a dumb question…”
• “I’m really sorry but I don’t understand this…”

Less than a month into my new job, I already catch myself using these phrases when asking for guidance from my colleagues. In my head, softening my communication is a way to come across as polite, approachable, and non-confrontational.

But when I take a step back, I realise that as the new person in the office, it’s completely natural not to have all the answers right away. Asking questions isn’t a sign of incompetence. It’s how I ensure my work meets the high standards of our team. So why am I apologising for simply trying to get it right?

Where does it come from?

Looking back, my instinct to over-apologise at work often comes from a quiet fear of being seen as too much – or not enough.

Along with the natural desire to be liked and accepted, many of us have been socially conditioned, both personally and professionally, to value agreeableness. Apologetic language, in this context, becomes a strategy to avoid conflict, maintain harmony, and ensure we’re not seen as difficult or demanding.

Adding to this is a broader workplace culture that often misinterprets directness as rudeness or aggression. Clear, assertive communication, though efficient, is sometimes received as abrupt or inconsiderate, especially in text-based formats like email or chat, where tone can be easily misread.

Research also shows that women, particularly in email communication, are more likely to express appreciation, apologise, or phrase things with caution. Pair that with being the new person in the office, and you’ve got a recipe for saying “sorry” more times than necessary, sometimes before you’ve even asked the question.

Is it really a big deal?

While politeness is invaluable, over-apologising can unintentionally downplay one’s competence or contributions. Shifting from apologetic phrasing to more self-assured language not only changes how others perceive us, but also how we perceive ourselves.

Over time, consistently using apologetic language may cause others to perceive you as less confident, less decisive, and even less capable, regardless of the quality of your work.

What phrases can I use instead?

• Instead of “Sorry to bug you…”, try using “I have a quick question when you have a moment.”
• Instead of using “Apologies for the delay” try using “Thank you for your patience, I truly appreciate.”
• Instead of using “Sorry I got that wrong” try using “Great catch, thank you”
• Instead of using “Sorry for wasting your time” try using “Thank you, I appreciate your time”

As a general practice, I've been making a conscious effort to replace “sorry” with “thank you for”, to shift the tone from apology to appreciation.

To be clear, genuine mistakes warrant genuine apologies. As someone still new to the role, it’s entirely expected that I might occasionally quote an incorrect figure, use the wrong image, or write in a tone that doesn't align with our editorial style.

In those moments, offering a sincere apology and taking responsibility is not only appropriate – it’s a mark of accountability.

Conclusion: You are not a nuisance

Admittedly, while I wrote this article to highlight the impact of overly apologetic language, I’m well aware that I’ll need to continuously remind myself to break the habit. Change, especially in communication, takes practice and self-awareness.

If there’s one thing to take away, let it be this: Your ideas matter. Your voice matters. You were hired because your team saw potential in you. Don’t let unnecessary apologies shrink that.

Confidence isn’t about being forceful, it’s about trusting that your voice belongs in the conversation.